What STABILIZING knowledge have we learned

We've learned...

    Dude something got in the way, you gotta let go (if needed)

    You are already recovering keep at it (if needed)

    Don't quit your job!

    And enjoy!

    (and keep your happy switch on)

After letting go (if needed), after recovering (if needed), doing your job and enjoying: you should be at a stable plateau. This post is to tell you to stay stable. And if some issue comes up, to compartmentalize it and deal with it without letting it challenge your stability. Let's not "bother sacred mental spaces" as I put it before. Let's treat these issues as puzzle apps on your phone, but not the whole OS. Let's treat these issues as tracks that are playing on your headphones, but not affecting the music player itself.

Challenges will arise! You may get in a small accident and require surgery, you may get snubbed from a promotion at work, or you may lose a friend because of a misunderstanding. In either scenario you will have to address the essentials of your stability (you may define them differently). You will have to address work, and staying social. And regular exercise if possible. You will have to meet such challenges with zeal, all while staying stable.

We are talking about keeping that mental fortitude. Even if you have to wake up each morning going "I got this, work, fun, other stuff". That other stuff will be dealt with without affecting you. The other stuff, which may ask too much, will tire. Unless you willingly back away, the other stuff will cave and you will persevere.

You, on the plateau of stability, is like you, on a pillar of exceptionalism. Sometimes if you just get through life with stability, that itself is commendable. The pillars of exceptionalism (previously discussed) may take a backseat entirely if needed (but let's hope not for too long 😃)  

Take it easy now!

We invite a BETTER perfect

Bam. Crash. Die. You faced the end of your relationship. It is so painful, loverboy, or girl. But I understand. As do many. Many have faced such tragedy. Read "What got in the way" for closure and making sure your happy switch is on. Read "...you got this, you can recover!" to recover in strides.

All that is wonderful — you are recovering in strides, but what is our overall goal here — complete satisfaction (it is possible) of course. As you are recovering in strides, you will still have thoughts about your past relationship. If your relationship was any good you will think something along the lines of "man, that was perfect". While it is okay to think that, it is not okay that it slows you down a little. We don't want you to think "man, that was perfect", we want you to think "man, here's to a BETTER perfect, I'm recovering, I'm single, I'm gonna meet someone great". This is a step towards that complete satisfaction.

Having that positivity is great! Here's to a BETTER perfect loverboy, girl! But we need more! If you're like most, you're hitting the gym, you're knuckling down at work, you're staying social/enjoying your pastime. Take note, however, of why do all that, and then do all that with even greater conviction. That's what we need.

Borrowing from my life coaching here, we need you to be exceptional and stand on several pillars. One pillar gives rise to others. Stand on the pillar of health (hitting the gym), the pillar of wealth (knuckling down at work), or the pillar of fun (enjoying your pastime). Stand on one watch the others rise as well. Health translates to youthful energy which brings about great work. Work translates to peace of mind which brings about tranquil pastimes. Pastimes translate to joy which brings about powerful workouts. Before long you will be exceptional, you will attract an exceptional other, and you will start living an exceptional life. Sounds like complete satisfaction to me!

Here's once more to a BETTER perfect! And here's to striving towards it with health, wealth, and fun (or insert your own pillars)!

Lastly, let me tell you about the pillar of service. If you acquire expertise in any field and there is an opportunity to serve, you should go for it! Most likely you will allot fewer hours to your pastime! That's it!

Don't over think it

Hello (young) loverboy, or girl, so you're not going to quit your job as you read, and you're going to just help out a little and enjoy! Also as you read. Although how are you going to do all that enjoying? By not over thinking it, of course.

I have a young cousin who keeps saying "Don't over think it"; as much as I hate his generation I have to give credit where credit is due. He's spot on. That's one of the best pieces of advice. So let's hash it out some more. TL;DR: Set alarms for work hours, your default mode is play.

Note do in fact THINK it, perhaps even a couple times, but then leave it to intuition. For example, it's gym time, then, unless it's the first time you're going to the gym just grab your gear and start heading that way. Don't feel the weight of the kettlebell. Don't breathe heavy. Don't sweat. You got it. Get going. Focus on the drive. Focus on your energy drink. Gym shortly accomplished.

Have a vague idea. For example, you will have Friday, Saturday, Sunday off for the next two months. Track any hard deadlines (on a calendar, the best tool for not overthinking it duh) but wing the rest of your precious free time. By doing nothing, napping, sleeping, lounging around, working out, self-caring, watching TV, movies, YouTube, spending time with family, friends, significant others, going out for food, a drink or two, brunch, or just coffee, going out for movies, plays, shows, malls, trying being in movies, plays, shows, backlit mall posters, whew, options abound. You might just keep it simple by reading a book, taking a walk, and listening to music or a podcast, if appealing trying sketching, painting, woodworking, sewing, or such. You'll be happy you had fun.

So much to enjoy!

FOR YOUR EYES ONLY: Quickly including some health coaching along with relationship coaching here, set aside about two hours a day of "me" time - one hour to review the day and set up the next one, and one hour to unwind in bed. Go bonkers otherwise.

Do not quit your job

Hello loverboy, or girl. Are you a jobless chum? Well don't be, get a job! And if you already have one, do not quit easily!

DO. NOT. QUIT. Even to pursue your love interest. You may have realized your job is getting in the way of you two being close. Maybe your love interest moved away from you and you weren't able to follow. And now it seems like a time to follow suit. Well, no, let's hit pause on that thought. Only quit your job if you have secured a new one at that new location. If you can't do that you'll have to forget about your love interest and keep your job (because most likely they will move on as well).

Your job is a ticket to our paradise (yes our world is a paradise). Help out a little and enjoy! If you quit willy-nilly not only will you not look chivalrous, you will look dumb. Your unfunded "business" doesn't count for anything here either. And jumping into a gig economy counts a little. It's all about your J. O. B. Pay-to-play! Food-in-your-mouth! Livelihood! Something interesting! What you shower for! What you love! What can outlast a breakup! Can't let that go. If it ever comes to it, try other avenues than quitting.

From personal accounting, I was at a summer pool party several summers ago and myself and several friends were people watching. What we observed was a charming guy talking everyone up. We eventually met him as well. He wasn't the best looking, wasn't in the best shape, and didn't even have a wingman. What he did have was a fun, simple job; and that's all he needed to socialize with everyone! He even got a couple numbers, I'm not surprised, and dated and settled down with one of the hotties.

Now back to work!

...you got this, you can recover!

Oh no loverboy, or girl, you experienced another disappointment of a relationship, what to do now? You're not even believing it was a disappointment, you are thinking it still might work! Well, I've got some good news, nothing you are experiencing is out of the ordinary and we can sort it out!

Here is the litmus test: If the hottie you are/were dating is showing a lack of respect, like ignoring you or cutting off communication, then, it is, or has been, time to move on. If you want to jump cut to you moving on move on confidently with closure and with happiness-in-tow by reading "What got in the way"

However, what does recovery after a disappointment look like? In "What got in the way" you read how to move on with closure and happiness and to keep a schedule. As easy as that sounds, keeping schedule may start out with difficulties. You may think you need a break from keeping your best schedule, you don't, do wake up at that grueling hour. You may think you'll get in better shape later, nope, do jumping jacks as soon as you wake up. Weave in a run. Do calisthenics if you can't hit the gym. Don't stop, go hard.

Shower quickly. Set alarms for work hours, your default mode is play. Be social in person or via phone every evening, maybe while transitioning off work hours. Light up night life in the winter, get your tan on at pool parties in the summer. 

Whatever brain space your disappointment of a relationship occupied, all that will soon go. You're stepping into the rest of your life, and that step has never been steadier. You got this. You can't be congratulated enough. Welcome to a new installment loverboy, or girl! Hey there's someone cute!

Now let's all review our schedules...

What got in the way

Hello loverboy, or girl, how are you doing? Today I want to write to you about "What got in the way"

If you are going hot and heavy in your relationship right now keep going, more power to 'ya. However if you are trying to get over a disappointment peel your eyes right here.

If you are trying to get over a disappointment forget chasing any other thoughts other than what got in the way. Our goal is to get you closure, and possibly salvage your relationship but there is a small chance of that. If you realize what got in the way you can do something about it or it's not possible to do something about it at all. If you (still) do something about it, great! Possibly salvaged! If nothing can be done, you did your best! Just say these magic words "Sorry your loss" and you should have closure!

So what if you have closure? Uh, you can move on! Something didn't work, continue as normal. No need to bother sacred mental spaces or other areas of your life. Keep schedule as per usual and you'll forget about the disappointment. Instead of thinking about that fail remember your successes more, remember your future plans more, remember great people in your life more; I call it making sure your happy switch is on.

Once you've got closure and your happy switch is on, you'll be back in the world doing better than ever before. If none of this applies to you, once again more power to 'ya.

See you in the next installment!